How many of these receipts have been handed out in the last few weeks do you wonder? And how many people have even noticed? (And yes, most of it was booze.)

So for those of you that received a Turner Ink Xmas card this year, these are the bloopers. How many did you get?

A Christmas tail [A classic homonym. It should be tale.]

Santa was having a bad day. 4 [up to number 10, spell out the number. So Four] of his elfs [elves] were throwing a sickie and the work experience elves werent [don't forget the apostrophe, weren't] producing toys fast enough. Santa was beginning to feel the pressure.

 blog needed updating. He hadn’t checked twitter [brand name, so Twitter] for at least 20 minites [minutes]. And people were giving him greif [grief] on Facebook.

Than [then], as he began to load his slay [another homonym, sleigh] one of the boards broke. And several large bags from Amazon fell to the ground: [a comma here not a colon] scattering their contents all over the place. Needless to say, santa [Cap S, Santa] was not in the best of moods.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he went to the door expecting another problem. But when he opened it; [comma here not a semicolon] there was just a little angle [like 18 degrees? Geddit? Yes, it should be angel of course] with a great big christmas [Christmas] tree.

The angel greeted him very cheerfully: [So lots of newspapers and mags have a colon to introduce speech. It's not needed though. A comma would suffice.]  “Merry Christmas Santa claus [cap C, Claus]. Isn’t it just a wonderful day [question mark needed]. I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn’t its [it] just the loveliest Christmas Tree [lower case t, tree] you’ve ever seen? Where would you like me to put it?’ [You started with double speech marks, you need to end with double speech marks.]

And that’s how the angel on top of the Christmas tree tradition began.

Hands up who circled the And and But at the beginning of a sentence as an error? Back of the class!

Happy Christmas anyway.

You know one of my fave artists is Jayson Lilley? And you know how much I love getting free stuff? Check out the below which have just arrived in the studio, from the aforemetioed Mr Lilley, in exchange for some work work I did for him. (I got the better deal.)

This is proper old school. Like when people used to exchange pigs for bags of corn. I may try this with all my clients. I’ll write all Natwest’s sales letters (I can’t do any worse than the rubbish they send out) and in return they’ll pay the mortgage. Whaddya think?

Anyway, back to Jayson. You can find his work here. Check it out.

A teacher stood at the front of the class. “Remember, two negatives can make a positive but two positives can never make a negative.” From the back of the classroom came the rejoinder “Yeah, yeah.”