Asda: Good on price. Not so hot on spelling is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

A Christmas tail [A classic homonym. It should be tale.]

Santa was having a bad day. 4 [up to number 10, spell out the number. So Four] of his elfs [elves] were throwing a sickie and the work experience elves werent [don't forget the apostrophe, weren't] producing toys fast enough. Santa was beginning to feel the pressure.

His blog needed updating. He hadn’t checked twitter [brand name, so Twitter] for at least 20 minites [minutes]. And people were giving him greif [grief] on Facebook.

Than [then], as he began to load his slay [another homonym, sleigh] one of the boards broke. And several large bags from Amazon fell to the ground: [a comma here not a colon] scattering their contents all over the place. Needless to say, santa [Cap S, Santa] was not in the best of moods.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he went to the door expecting another problem. But when he opened it; [comma here not a semicolon] there was just a little angle [like 18 degrees? Geddit? Yes, it should be angel of course] with a great big christmas [Christmas] tree.

The angel greeted him very cheerfully: [So lots of newspapers and mags have a colon to introduce speech. It's not needed though. A comma would suffice.]  “Merry Christmas Santa claus [cap C, Claus]. Isn’t it just a wonderful day [question mark needed]. I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn’t its [it] just the loveliest Christmas Tree [lower case t, tree] you’ve ever seen? Where would you like me to put it?’ [You started with double speech marks, you need to end with double speech marks.]

And that’s how the angel on top of the Christmas tree tradition began.

Hands up who circled the And and But at the beginning of a sentence as an error? Back of the class!

Happy Christmas anyway.

Turner Ink Christmas card bloopers – the answers is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

She Ain’t Heavy, She’s Just the Home Secretary is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Plural of child is children, so hair styling belonging to children is children’s. Check.

So hair styling belonging to the ladies is…..nooooooooo!

Ladies – this is one for you is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

What Phil gets up to when he says he’s working late! is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

So I went to a local high school this morning to see the teenager I’m mentoring when I spied this notice on the library wall.

Attention! No notice will be pisted unless it has been cheked is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Q: Name the four seasons
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow

Q: How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A: The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie

Q: What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A: Nearby

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q: Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’?
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman Emperor

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q: Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q: What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

And turn over your paper. Real exam answers from the UK’s yoof is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

As reported in today’s Daily Mail. It was April Fool’s Day though…

Kepp cleap…keer clep…don’t park ‘ere is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Fantastic cause. (Great Ormond Street Hospital). Amazing Football Club. But rotten old punctuation.

Remember:
Child in singular.
Children is plural.
Anything belonging to children is children’s.

We’re doing it for the childrens, child’s, chil….kids is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

But La Maison is in good (bad?) company. Take a look at these corkers that have been sent to the MSN News site recently. 

Do not cling? Do not climb? Or what the heck. Let’s have both.

Yeah, help us reduce crime against the English language.

I wonder if there were enough Ofxord Dictionary’s left to be handed out as leaving presents.

We hope you’re fluent in English ‘cos we’re not. Although we make awesome stuffed olives.

You say tom-ah-to we say to-may-to. Let’s call the whole thing off.

My personal fave. Sue’s Snax’s. So wrong. So very wrong.

I sort of love this sign. I like the fact the loo is referred to as a powder room. And it’s only 5p to have a tiddle. That’s a bargain.

What I especially like is one of the comments left on the MSN News site.

Also, in number 17, the apostrophe is not superfluous, merely in the wrong place as the word “ladies” is a plural, and the toilets are “ladies’ toilets”.

Oh, so it’s merely in the wrong place. That’s ok then.

A sign of the times? Bloopers from around the UK is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog