The Turner Ink blog contains rants, bloopers, observations and opinions. It also has handy tips on grammar and punctuation such as colons: semicolons; and full stops. As well as some very useful ‘how tos’. Feel free to leave comments. Be nice though.
Continuing our occasional series where we look at the reasons why techie types shouldn’t be allowed to write copy. Hmmmm. So what is it you do exactly?
We’re dedicated to providing results oriented, cost efficient solutions for customer outreach by employing existing and proprietary technologies that maximize exposure and obtain a leadership position in your market through the use of [software] our interactive digital outreach system.
Tags: bad copy, jargon
Posted in Bloopers, Copywriting, Website & SEO copywriting | 
2 Comments »
Is there anything more tedious than waiting for your baggage at the airport? It’s enough to make your holiday joie de vivre go right out the window.
So there I was at London’s Gatwick Airport at the weekend, waiting with breathless anticipation for my case to arrive, when I spied this ad for Gatwick Express, the fast train service into central London.
It’s not the ad so much that bemused me as the strapline: ‘anything else is a risk’.
What? Risks are normally associated with going on holiday and not having medical insurance. Or missing your mortgage repayments and getting your home repossessed. Or driving around without motor insurance and hoping you don’t crash into anything.
But using another mode of transport, other than Gatwick Express, seems like a perfectly safe and risk-free option.
Sure, the other trains may take a little longer. The Express takes only 30 minutes after all. But it does cost a whopping £16.50. (At least.)
The local train services, on the other hand, cost between £7.90 and £10.90 and take 35 to 45 minutes. And they’ll get you there in perfect comfort – even if they do take a few minutes longer.
You can even take a coach. Only £7.30. Or a bus for two quid. What a bargain!
So as far as I can tell, all the other options seem unrisky.
What is Gatwick Express going on about then? Are they saying that because they offer a fast, direct service, there’s less likely to be hold-ups, delays or traffic jams? And if you really have to be in central London super-fast-quick, for a very important meeting, than this is the way to go?
Why not say that then? How about:
The fastest way to central London
Your first class journey continues
Next stop: central London
Or
Gatwick to London non-stop
They took me all of five minutes to think of, and all seem infinitely better than ‘anything else is a risk’.
Got a good strapline for Gatwick Express? Leave it in the comments.
Tags: straplines
Posted in Bloopers, Copywriting, Marketing | 2 Comments »
So this company calls me up on Friday afternoon and says:
Dubious company: Hi, we’re working with Google and we just wanted to let you know about a phrase that has recently become available which was last seen 11 months ago. It’s ‘marketing agency Surrey’. It’s a great opportunity. (There are so many lies in this opening sentence it’s hard to know where to start.)
Me: (Already smelling the BS) for what?
Dubious company: To get you higher up on Google.
Me: Hmmmm…right. So higher up the organic listings?
Dubious company: No. This is about sponsored links on page 1 of Google.
Me: Oh PPC then.
Dubious company: No. Sponsored links.
Me: (Totally cheesed off ) if you’d looked at my site you would have seen I’m an SEO copywriter. It’s what I do for a living.
Dubious company: (Aggressively) SEO is dead. And you of all people should recognise that…
Me: ‘Click’.
Moral of the tale: If you receive a call from 020 7345 5163 don’t answer it.
Tags: google, organic, ppc
Posted in Bloopers, Website & SEO copywriting | 5 Comments »
Ok, so I know this isn’t aimed at me; but even so. What does it all mean? Answers on a postcard. Or leave a comment.
With considerable experience in the application of advanced integration technologies to drive business strategy, partnered with experience in pragmatic enterprise architecture consulting, [business] has the skills and experience to be able to get to the bottom of the business direction and challenges and then be able to match these with the available technology.
Tags: bad copy, web writing
Posted in Bloopers, Website & SEO copywriting | 1 Comment »
Fellow copywriter Clare Lynch, over at daccreative, spotted this howler on a recruitment ad for an Internal Communications Manager, at a well known VOIP company.
We are looking for someone who can demonstrate that they:
Are excellent communicator’s with solid writing ability, as you will have significant responsibility for writing and editing in-house communications.
Ho. Ho. Seems like they need to fill this position pretty darn quick.
Tags: apostrophes
Posted in Bloopers | No comments yet »
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