But La Maison is in good (bad?) company. Take a look at these corkers that have been sent to the MSN News site recently. 

Do not cling? Do not climb? Or what the heck. Let’s have both.

Yeah, help us reduce crime against the English language.

I wonder if there were enough Ofxord Dictionary’s left to be handed out as leaving presents.

We hope you’re fluent in English ‘cos we’re not. Although we make awesome stuffed olives.

You say tom-ah-to we say to-may-to. Let’s call the whole thing off.

My personal fave. Sue’s Snax’s. So wrong. So very wrong.

I sort of love this sign. I like the fact the loo is referred to as a powder room. And it’s only 5p to have a tiddle. That’s a bargain.

What I especially like is one of the comments left on the MSN News site.

Also, in number 17, the apostrophe is not superfluous, merely in the wrong place as the word “ladies” is a plural, and the toilets are “ladies’ toilets”.

Oh, so it’s merely in the wrong place. That’s ok then.

A sign of the times? Bloopers from around the UK is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

According to Professor Bernard Lamb, who carried out the research, British undergraduates are nearly three times more likely to make errors in written English than those from overseas.

Depressing? Yes. Surprising? No.

After spending a year studying the written work of his students, Lamb was appalled by spelling errors such as flourescence, alot, seperate, yeild, relevent and introduications.

Grammatical errors included ‘done by my partner and I’ and ‘a women’. Whilst poor punctuation ranged from the misuse of semicolons to a complete lack of possessive apostrophes.

The Queen’s English Society, of which Lamb is president, blames the errors on a “widespread deterioration in standards.”

Lamb goes on to say that “we need to raise the very poor standards of English by more demanding syllabuses and exams, more explicit teaching and examining of English (including grammar, spelling and punctuation) and by consistent correction of errors by teachers of all subjects.”

And I couldn’t agree more.

The wishy washy liberalism that has pervaded our education system means there’s a reluctance to correct written work. There seems to be a belief that pointing out a kid’s poor spelling, sloppy punctuation or bad grammar will somehow thwart that child’s creativity.

Here’s the news: it won’t.

Good grammar and punctuation skills are the foundation on which great writing is built. Kids that get the ‘rules’ enjoy the act of writing a whole lot more. It’s like explaining the offside rule to a kid who wants to be footballer; the more he understands the game the more fun it is.

Lamb demands a more “consistent correction of errors by teachers”. But the real worry is that teachers themselves have a poor understanding of the English language.

Take a look at this picture sent to me by Twitter pal @racinghippo. This came home with his daughter’s homework this week. Scary, isn’t it?

Is the education system failing our children? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

But once you know how to use it you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it. Seriously. It’s that handy.

Ok, so here’s a brief overview to get you on your way. The semicolon has two main uses.

1. It can join two complete sentences that are closely related:

My mother loved the flowers; the florist delivered them today.
I like going to London; the dollar is so strong against the pound.
I love the colour blue on me; white makes me look fat. 

2. It can separate a long list of items. Especially useful if some of the items in the list contain ‘and’ or the list is complex:

We have visited many islands in the Caribbean: Barbados; Turks and Caicos; Bahamas; and Trinidad and Tobago.
A few people are attending the meeting: Elaine Johnson, marketing co-ordinator; Sam Monroe, head of retail in Brussells; Don Smith; and Mary Jackson, project manager, London office.

Should you use a semicolon before the last ‘and’? Yes. Should you use a capital letter after the semicolon. Nope. Unless it’s a proper noun of course.

A client once told me that my use of a semicolon was, and I quote, ‘preposterous’. But when questioned (ok, cross examined and then beaten soundly) he was unable to explain when a semicolon should be used. Don’t be that client.

What’s a semicolon and when can you use one? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

She wore the red dress that evening. (Her sister wore the gold one.)
John needed the answer for question 7. (Jeff was struggling with question 1.)

The full stop appears outside of the brackets if the brackets don’t contain a complete sentence.

She wore the red dress that evening (and her sister wore the gold one).
John needed the answer for question 7 (however Jeff was struggling with question 1).

Simple, no?

Full stops. Inside or outside of brackets? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Our weight loss course lasts 12 weeks and the results could last a lifetime.

It’s not wrong. It’s just a bit dull. So what’s missing? How about a semicolon? A semicolon joins two complete sentences which are closely related.  

Our weight loss course lasts 12 weeks; the results could last a lifetime.

Yep, that’s getting better. This has got much more of a woo-hoo about it. It’s just 12 weeks! But you might stay thin, like, for-ever.

But I think what we really need here is a colon. Remember, a colon is used to show what comes after is an explanation or elaboration of what comes before. It’s a bit of a taa-daa! A drum roll if you like. Take a look.

Our weight loss course lasts 12 weeks: the results could last a lifetime.

Oooh now you’re talking. This has way more oomph. You could have the body of a model for the rest of your life just by turning up for 12 weeks. Awesome. Now, where do I sign-up?

Punctuation: Make it a part of your daily workout is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

There are three issues that are consistently addressed in our work: client needs, purpose, cost + the site, its context, history + materials, light, volume.

Hmmmm. I’m guessing there’s punctuation missing. Some semicolons probably. Or a comma or six.  

But nope, I have no idea what they mean either.

Our punctuation has gone missing. Reward offered is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

In the US they write: Red, white, and blue.
In the UK we write: Red, white and blue.

For some reason, us Brits often feel quite weird about putting a comma before the word and. But we shouldn’t. Because the Oxford comma can really help avoid confusion.

Compare the following: 

The flags were red, green and white, and blue. Three flags.
The flags were red, green and white and blue. How many flags? And what colour are they? Doh!

Go on. Use the Oxford comma today.

The Oxford comma: posh punctuation is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

It’s is a contraction of it is. So

It’s (it is) a nice day. It’s (it is) a small world.

Its means ‘belonging to it’. So

The house has lost its value. Here’s the car but where are its keys?

See? It’s not difficult is it?

Is it ‘it’s’or ‘its’? Confused? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Ok, one more time.

Man is singular. If the wardrobe essentials belong to a man it should be a man’s wardrobe essentials. 

Men is the plural of man. If the wardrobe essentials belong to the men it should be men’s wardrobe essentials. 

Men apostrophe S.

Like this: men’s.

Not mens. Mens is not a word.

Mens. Just so wrong is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Councillor Len Gregory said, “I don’t see the point of them. If it was to give more clarity to the people of Birmingham it might be something we would look at, but I see no benefits at all.”

Ok, the point of apostrophes, Mr Gregory, is that it shows a road, square, lane or street has been named after somebody. It shows that a road, square, lane or street belongs to somebody. And it shows that at least one person at Birmingham council has some grasp of English grammar. Presumably if Mr Gregory had a street named after him he’d be happy for it to be called Gregorys Street, rather than Gregory’s Street?

As it turns out, apostrophes have been disappearing from road signs and place names in Birmingham for the last 50 years. Which is why you see St Pauls Square, St Marys Road and Wheelers Lane.

Councillor Martin Mullaney said, “we are constantly getting residents asking for apostrophes to be put back in, and as a council we have got to make a decision one way or another.”

So, if you’re going to make a decision one way or another – why not make the right one? Why not decide that any new road signs will be correctly punctuated? And, as and when old signs need replacing the missing apostrophe is put back? It’s not difficult is it?  

Getting rid of apostrophes in street names has nothing to do with clarity. Or consistency. Or making sure the emergency services can find an address easily. It’s everything to do with apathy, laziness and a general dumbing down.   
 

P.S. Big thanks go to the ‘Talk like a Brummie day’ dictionary who taught this Londoner the phrase ‘deaf it’. (It means ‘not bother’, ‘forget it’.)

Apostrophes in Birmingham street names: shall we deaf it? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog