A Christmas tail [A classic homonym. It should be tale.]

Santa was having a bad day. 4 [up to number 10, spell out the number. So Four] of his elfs [elves] were throwing a sickie and the work experience elves werent [don't forget the apostrophe, weren't] producing toys fast enough. Santa was beginning to feel the pressure.

His blog needed updating. He hadn’t checked twitter [brand name, so Twitter] for at least 20 minites [minutes]. And people were giving him greif [grief] on Facebook.

Than [then], as he began to load his slay [another homonym, sleigh] one of the boards broke. And several large bags from Amazon fell to the ground: [a comma here not a colon] scattering their contents all over the place. Needless to say, santa [Cap S, Santa] was not in the best of moods.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he went to the door expecting another problem. But when he opened it; [comma here not a semicolon] there was just a little angle [like 18 degrees? Geddit? Yes, it should be angel of course] with a great big christmas [Christmas] tree.

The angel greeted him very cheerfully: [So lots of newspapers and mags have a colon to introduce speech. It's not needed though. A comma would suffice.]  “Merry Christmas Santa claus [cap C, Claus]. Isn’t it just a wonderful day [question mark needed]. I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn’t its [it] just the loveliest Christmas Tree [lower case t, tree] you’ve ever seen? Where would you like me to put it?’ [You started with double speech marks, you need to end with double speech marks.]

And that’s how the angel on top of the Christmas tree tradition began.

Hands up who circled the And and But at the beginning of a sentence as an error? Back of the class!

Happy Christmas anyway.

Turner Ink Christmas card bloopers – the answers is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Fave joke of the year… is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

One of the things I found shocking during the recent London riots – apart from the wanton vandalism – was the linguistic capabilities of many of the yoofs that were spoken to by the media. There was one kid they interviewed who finished every half garbled and unintelligible senetence with ‘ya get me?’. No mate. I don’t get you. Oh and by the way you don’t live in the Projects in Baltimore, so why talk like you do. He may have had a very valid point about social injustice, poor education and the lack of affordable housing in the Capital but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. How will he get on in an interview I wonder?

A couple of weeks  ago I read a brilliant article by  Lindsay Johns in the Evening Standard about this very same subject. It’s a good read. Here’s the link. Ghetto grammar robs the young of a proper voice.

Lindsay Johns: Ghetto grammar robs the young of a proper voice is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Got any more? Send them over and I’ll get them on the blog.

Jamie Oliver's Clapham Junction

Finsbury Park courtesy of http://yfrog.com/gy386oej

Peckham courtesy of http://twitpic.com/63gnw5

is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

1.How might you embarrass a friend?

Dekecking – pulling down your mates’s trousers. What a jape!
Baring
Gopping

2. If a girl was to describe an attractive boy, what might she say?

Mcfittie – Obvs.
Grimmer
Bosh

3. If something was amusing it could be described as:

Chenzed
Savage
Hollage – hilarious!

4. If a young person has too much too drink what would they be?

Chenzed – tired or drunk
Confuzzled
Bagged

5. “You turn into a right…….when you’re drunk”

Bosh
Grimmer
Meg – It means ‘most embarrassing girl/guy’. Who knew?

And how about these?

Redonkulous – ridiculous
Sketchy – flaky
Bless – cute, sweet, same as awww
Old School – back in the day. As in “I love old school hip-hop like Grandmaster Flash”. Oh by the way, people who say ‘old school’ are too young to remember it
My bad – or My B. My mistake. Or Mea Culpa if you’re that way inclined
Man up – Be brave, toughen up. (Most used from the stands at Emirates Stadium in the direction of over-dramatic European players)
Killa – the best, number one. As in “killa tunes”
Netglow – what you suffer from when you buy something that looks really good online but is rubbish when it arrives
Facebook minute – an elongated and obscure period of time spent distracted on Facebook when you only wanted to quickly check your messages
Text purgatory – waiting for someone to text back. “Why hasn’t he texted me yet? Why? Why?”

So how did you do? Were you porn (good) or were you a wasteman (fool). You get me?

So, like, how did you do with the teen slang? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

This will:
1. Make you feel very old if you get them all wrong.
2. Get you instant respect on Facebook from your teenage rellys if you get them all right.

But remember if you say things like ‘down with the kids’ you really aren’t.

See how you get on.

1. How might you embarrass a friend?

Dekecking
Baring
Gopping

2. If a girl was to describe an attractive boy, what might she say?

Mcfittie
Grimmer
Bosh

3. If something was amusing it could be described as:

Chenzed
Savage
Hollage

4. If a young person has too much too drink they would be:

Chenzed
Confuzzled
Bagged

5. “You turn into a right…….when you’re drunk”

Bosh
Grimmer
Meg

And what do these all mean?

Redonkulous
Sketchy
Bless
Old School
My bad
Man up
Killa
Netglow
Facebook minute
Text purgatory

Anyway, gotta bounce. Answers tomorrow.

Say what? Are you up to speed with teen slang? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

Polari (or alternatively palari, parlare, parlary) was a secret language or gay slang, popular with the British gay community from about 1900 until the 1970s, and made famous by the 1960s radio show Round the Horne with Kenneth Williams.

But what are its origins? Well, Polari is a complex language and a mixture of rhyming slang; backslang; Italian; Occitan; French, parlyaree, a slang used by sailors and travellers; cant, a slang used by criminals; and Yiddish. There was a West End dialect, based on theatre-speak and an East End dialect that was spoken by sailors and canal men. And because of the popularity of the radio show, Polari could often be found in numerous middle-class households in the Sixties.

I recall my Mother saying to me when I’d fallen over “come on, give me a butcher’s at your lallies and dannies” Which is a heady combination of cockney rhyming slang (butcher’s hook, look), Polari for legs and Yorkshire slang for hands. I’ve no idea how she knows Yorkshire slang. She comes from Tooting.

The problem with Polari is that, until recently, so little of it had been written down. So it’s been difficult to determine what words are actually Polari and what words are common ol’ slang.

The following words though are generally considered to be Polari.

What’s interesting is how many words that are Polari in origin are still in everyday use, considering the language fell out of favour in the 1970s. A quick search on Google came up with these results.

“A bijou house with potential”
“Buns of steel; Best Butt exercise for summer”
“George Clooney is a dish”
“Videos for Eddie Izzard in drag”
“Men’s magazines and women’s glossies share the pain of recession”
“Katy Perry wears too much slap”
“In Coronation Street: Simon scarpers”
“Do you ever troll around Cape Moreton?”
“Look at him mincing around, like he thinks he’s real cute.” (Annie Hall)
“John Sergeant lands Oldie’s hoofer of the year award”

And do you remember Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Zhoosh was said in every single episode!

Any other Polari words that are in everyday use? Let us know in the comments.

Further Reading:
Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang by Paul Baker.

The origins of Polari: How Bona to Vada your Jolly Old Eek is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

The exhibition explores the beginnings of Anglo Saxon right through to current rap music and shows how English has evolved over the last 1500 years from its small island origins to become one of the world’s most popular languages.

So what’s to see? There’s a 1000-year-old version of Beowulf; works by Chaucer; the King James Bible, ‘an eye for an eye’, ‘salt of the earth’, the sign of the times’ and all that. Plus first editions of Shakespeare who, of course, introduced us to such words as eyeball, puking, mimic, amazement and rant.

Gawd blimey. Don't drop your aitches

But it’s not all high-brow malarkey. There are video clips of My Fair Lady’s Eliza Doolittle “Well if I was doing it proper, what was you sniggering at? Have I said anything I oughtn’t?” And recordings of Kenneth Williams speaking polari – a sort of gay slang – as Julian in radio’s Round the Horne “How bona to vada your jolly old eek.”

One of the pamphlets on show, published in 1854, advises the lower middle classes that if they wish to climb the social ladder they shouldn’t drop their aitches. Head and house should never be pronounced ‘ead and ‘ouse although the aitch in herb and hospital should remain silent. A tradition we’ve now done away with in the UK although the US continues to say ’erb.

And there’s an amusing section on U and non U English usage (upper class and non upper class). Amusing, because I can recall being told off as a child for saying serviette instead of napkin. U words include napkin, lavatory, vegetables, lunch, sofa and pudding while non-U are serviette, toilet, greens, dinner, settee and sweet.

As part of the exhibition, you can record your voice for future linguistic studies. I felt it was my duty to have the dulcet tones of my sarf London accent saved for posterity. And duly obliged by reading Mr Tickle by Roger Hargreaves (pronouncing Tickle like a true Laaandaner: ti-kawl)

What this outstanding exhibition so clearly demonstrates is how there’s no such thing as pure English. It’s an ever evolving language, influenced by social, cultural and historical changes, continuously incorporating words from other languages and happily discarding words it no longer has use for.

If you love etymology, you’ll love this exhibition. It’s on until April 3rd and it’s free.

An Englishman’s home is his castle, pad, dig, shack, crib, gaff…Evolving English at the British Library is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

I recently chatted to a chap at a mulled wine and organic cheese party (yes, really) who used the word contemptuous (expressing contempt) when he was actually looking for the word contemporaneous (happening during the same period of time).

What do you say in situations like this? Do you correct the person in question (Oi, dufus, I think you mean…) or do you smile sweetly and nod eagerly? (I chose the latter.)

Mind you, I once answered a maths question at school with the utter belief that approximately meant exactly, on the button, accurately – rather than the exact opposite. (In my defence, I was only 10.)

So here are a few words from the book that you may or may not know. But see how many you can squeeze in tonight when you’re out partying.

• Anachronistic (adj): Very old-fashioned
• Anthropomorphise (verb): To attribute human form to something not human
• Behemoth (noun): A huge thing, especially an organisation
• Conflation (noun): The act of fusing two or more ideas together
• Denouement (noun): Climax of several actions when the outcome becomes clear
• Dichotomy (noun): A contrast between two things that are polar opposites
• Ennui (noun): Dissatisfaction when nothing exciting happens for a while
• Fetid (adj): Unsavoury smell
• Garrulous (adj): Talkative, especially on unimportant matters
• Halcyon (adj): A happy and peaceful time in the past
• Imbroglio (noun): A messy and embarrassing situation
• Obfuscate (verb): To bewilder
• Quango: A quasi non-governmental organisation like the Press Complaints Commission
• Perfunctory (adj): Done carelessly, as a matter of routine
• Parse (verb): To examine something closely by breaking it up into parts
• Sanguine (adj): Optimistic, upbeat
• Vicarious (adj.) Experiencing feelings via someone else’s description

Ennui, Obfuscate, Imbroglio and other words that make you sound clever is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog

So this post is for me as much as it is for you.

Bare means lacking a natural, usual or appropriate covering i.e. butt naked. It also means exposed, unfinished, empty, lacking, having nothing left or added, or not being disguised or embellished in any way. And it means reveal or uncover.

So anything to do with nakedness, uncovering or revealing is bare:

• She was completely bare faced
• Bare as the day he was born
• With my bare hands
• He bared his teeth
• Riding barebacked
• Bare one’s soul
• The house was stripped back to its bare bones
• The top revealed a bare midriff

Whereas bear (as well as those big furry things) means to carry or transport, to show a feeling, to have a name, to give birth, to produce fruit or flowers, to support weight, to go in a certain direction, to show patience and to aim a gun.

• Can you bear with me a moment?
• At the next turning bear right
• To bear the cost
• He’ll bear the scars for years
• Will it bear the weight?
• She’ll bear the brunt of that
• Bear down
• I think it will bear fruit every year
• They’ve been ordered to bear arms
• I’ll bear that in mind

So if it’s not anything to do with nakedness, uncovering or revealing – it’s bear.

For more tips on grammar and punctuation download the ebook.

‘I’ll bare that in mind’. Or will I? Is it bare or bear? is a post from the Turner Ink Copywriting Blog