14 Jun 2010
With exam season nearly upon us let’s take a look at how well last year’s 16 year olds did. (These are all genuine answers. Wrong, but genuine.)
Q: Name the four seasons
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow
Q: How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A: The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie
Q: What does ‘varicose’ mean?
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q: Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’?
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman Emperor
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q: Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q: What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head